Horoscopes

Yesterday, my husband developed a yen for pizza instead of the nourishing dinner I had planned for him: roast salmon, sauteed eggplant and peppers, salad and sourdough bread. Well, he was buying, so I stowed the salmon for another night and went with him to our favorite pizza place. We found two free copies of a local magazine, Town Favorites, to read while we were waiting for our orders. I turned to the horoscopes, which I read out loud to my husband along with my editorial comments.

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

Don't overspend to impress someone who interests you. Okay, no big tip for the cute waiter. Emotional situations could bring out your stubborn nature. Oh, you think?  Be sure to keep communication open with those you live with. Who, what's his name? What would I want to do that for?  [This prompted What's His Name to remind me who was springing for pizza.]  You could receive recognition for a job well done. Not in this lifetime. Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Friday. 

The last sentence didn't even deserve comment. There have been two Fridays this month up to this writing and so far I have spent them having blood drawn, getting my bones scanned, and having one of those ultrasounds that require you to drink 32 ounces of water and hold it for an hour or so while someone pokes around your innards with a probe. Even happier news, the ultrasound revealed a fibroid tumor and a cyst, which means in a few weeks I get to do the ultrasound all over again. If these are the lucky events this month, maybe I should spend the rest of it in bed.

Okay, on to hubby's horoscope:

Taurus (April 21-May 21)

You can't always have your own way. [bolding mine]

I didn't get to read any further because that sentence provoked his sad face, which always cracks me up. I note, however, that his luckiest events this month will occur on a Monday. Now if I'm getting lucky on Fridays and he's getting lucky on Mondays, doesn't this portend marital disaster?

I turn quickly to my son's horoscope. He's not around but what the heck:

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22)

Take time to find out all you can. Can I recycle that "not in this lifetime" crack? Make sure any presentation you have is ready. In-laws may cause difficulties. If it turns out he has recently acquired in-laws without telling me, it's mom who will be causing the difficulties, no matter how ready his presentation is. Travel should be considered. Oh, yes. He's supposed to be returning to Paris on business, preferably with his well-prepared presentation. I understand they are having strikes and bomb threats in Paris. Something to do with the burka being banned. The Parisians take their fashion quite seriously. Situations in your personal life are moving a little fast lately. I'll say, if he's suddenly acquired in-laws. Your luckiest events this month will occur on a Wednesday.

 At least among the three of us, we have the good luck spread out nicely across the week.