Survey Says

Sunday at St. Anonymous Dr. J handed out  a relationship survey for members to fill out. The answers are going to be the basis of sermons she will preach on what women wish men knew about women and what men wish women knew about men.

What I wish men knew about women is that each one of us has our own unique wish list and that I would be happy to convey mine upon request if only a man would a) ask and b) listen to the answer. I can’t speak for other women, let alone men, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something similar held true for them.

Anyway, after five demographic questions about age, marital status, and sex, the survey asks the following questions. The answers I’ve come up with so far are given, followed by comments in italics that won’t appear on the form when turned in. 

6. The most common misconception about men is:

That they know how to use logic.

7. The most common misconception about women is:

I really wanted to say, “That ‘vagina’ is the word for our external genitalia rather than being the name only for the sheath that connects the vulva to the uterus”, but did I mention that this survey is for a church? So here’s the answer I’m really giving:

That we don’t know how to use logic.

I don’t mean to flip the stereotype and say that women are more logical than men. I think it’s clear that human brains are no more perfectly suited to logic than our bodies are to bipedal locomotion. Even when we humans, male or female, think we are being logical, our thinking is often full of fallacies and shortcuts. So I think men are less logical than they’d like to believe and women are more logical than we’ve been led to believe and we all could use critical thinking classes.

8. If I could convince members of the opposite sex of ONE thing it would be . . .

They aren’t the Princes of the Universe.

Was the Queen song written  to be the Highlander theme or did it just get borrowed, does anyone know?

9. The TV or Movie character that most accurately portrays my view of the ideal man is:

Nico on Necessary Roughness.

 (What? He fixes things, just like my husband. I like that in a man. He’s also amazingly easy on the eyes, but that didn’t influence my answer, honest.)

10. The TV or Movie character that most accurately portrays my view of the ideal woman is:

She’s not the ideal woman, but I like Mary Shannon on In Plain Sight. She has many of the same flaws that I do, but she’s proud of hers.

11. I believe the secret to a happy, healthy relationship is:

a poor memory.

Okay, yeah, I understand that a poor memory can just as easily lead you to forget the good stuff that you need to remember to stay in love with your spouse or let you forget the bad stuff that you need to remember if you are in a relationship that’s dangerous, but the ability to forget the little irritating thing your spouse does  can be really helpful. Besides, I’m on my second marriage; I’m not sure anyone should be asking my advice on happy, healthy relationships.

If anyone wants to chime in on any of these questions in the comments, feel free. I have until July 9 to turn them in.