Monday, August 13, 2012

This Was Supposed to Be a Different Post

Sunday I was going to go to St. Anonymous to hear what should have been the next in the Relationship Training series of sermons, What Women Wish Men Knew. I figured since I had deconstructed (fancy word for “made fun of”) the week before’s sermon about men, it was only fair I do this one as well.

However, as I was in the shower, my husband popped his head in and told me the men’s Olympic basketball final was being shown live on television. That was the end of church for the morning. The game was close until well into the fourth quarter. By the time it ended, the late service had been going on for five minutes, and while I could have hopped into my car (shorts and all) and made it to church in time for the sermon, I wanted to see the awards ceremony. No matter how many times I see teary eyed athletes singing along to the national anthem, it never gets old.

I shared with my husband the irony of Dr. J choosing the morning of the  Olympic basketball final to preach a sermon on What Women Wish Men Knew. I wonder how many men showed up to listen?

My reaction to What Women Wish Men Knew lists is mixed at best. There are what, about 3 and a quarter billion women in the world, so how likely is it that we all have identical lists of things we want the men in our lives to know? There are some things that bother other women that don’t bother me. Not that I’m one of those chill girls who thinks if something doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother you either, I’m just saying we’re all different. There are some things that don’t bother other women that do bother me. There are some things that are context dependent. Yes, I like it if a man holds a door open for me (and I’ll say thank you), but I don’t like it if I get the frowny face for holding a door open for him if I happen to get there first and don’t want to slam it in his face. I also don’t want to have to slow my pace so he can get there first and hold the door for me.

Also, I think birthdays and anniversaries should be celebrated with flowers and cake (or candy) and dinner out and a present (like my dad always did for my mom), but hubby finds that a bit excessive. So is that something he “should” know? He never forgets special occasions and he does give me a present and dinner out, so I have learned to adjust my expectations accordingly. I’m not going to enjoy making him do more than he feels comfortable with.

 I think if I had to make a list of What Women Wish Men Knew, it would consist of two things:

1) We each have our own individual list 
2) We’ll tell you what it is if you make it safe for us to do so.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the same list covered what men wished women knew.

Well, maybe plus one more. The worst time to give a sermon on What Women Wish Men Knew is when the gold medal round of men’s Olympic basketball is going on.


  1. I can think of a few things, but they're all anti-sexism: I think most women wish men knew that controlling or stalking behavior isn't romantic, that we really know what we're talking about as often as they do, and so forth.

    But the gift styles or communication styles or whatever...yeah, everyone's different there.

    1. I think that there are probably different degrees of what people find stalking or controlling, though. Yes, if a guy locks you in the house without access to a phone, that's controlling, but from what I've read, some women are okay with not doing girl's nights out or wearing certain kinds of clothes if their husband objects, whereas I would find that problematical. I'm okay with my husband telling me he doesn't think something looks good on me and then leaving it up to me whether to wear it, though, and I think other women may not even like that.

      Also, is it stalking if a man you barely know puts effort into finding out your phone number and calling? Some women might find it romantic (IF they were attracted to the man), but others might find it creepy. Some might find it romantic and later on find out they should have found it creepy.

      So when I said we each had our own list, I meant at a more detailed level than "no stalking, no controlling, don't hurt us", but I agree with you on that.